Do you need to be skinny to be successful?
Like it or loathe it, celebrity culture has a massive impact on our everyday lives.
When the likes of Victoria Beckham, or Katie Holmes, or J-Lo appear perfectly groomed and squeezed into a pair of uber skinny jeans a few weeks after giving birth, us mums can’t help but feel a little peeved.
Sure we all know it’s totally ridiculous and that those women who appear in glossy magazines a matter of weeks after giving birth claiming that breastfeeding or motherhood or some other mystical force that was never bestowed on us mere mortals has magically made them shed every ounce of baby weight, are well, they are lying.
We all know that. And yet we still kick ourselves and berate ourselves that we should be able to do that too. I’m sure I could look like I’d just stepped off the pages of Hello magazine if I had a lipo surgeon on speed dial, a personal chef and my own in-house spray tan booth.
And it’s not just the new mums with a baby belly to shed who have been setting this frightening trend.
Shockingly, it seems you cannot be a rising star these days unless you shed every ounce of fat and – more shockingly – become ‘talk about’ thin. Sometimes skeletal, unhealthily thin.
It seems the old saying: “You can never be too rich, or too skinny” is the mantra of many these days.
America’s current comedy darling Tina Fey claims she only found fame after losing 30lb on a WeightWatchers programme.
She wasn’t even that heavy before, but once she shifted those pounds suddenly the world sat up and took notice.
Then there is Victoria Beckham who is so thin now it is said she can fit into a pair of boys’ age 8 jeans.
And she has never been more revered.
Actress Kiera Knightly’s star has rose massively and very quickly – and so has exposure of her jutting bones and painfully thin frame.
Famously, an agent told aspiring actress Jennifer Aniston to shed 30lb, which she did and landed the part of Rachel in Friends.
In England, footballer’s wife of the moment Cheryl Cole can do no wrong. She recently went through the trauma of discovering her famous hubby had cheated on her and the stress make her drop weight at an alarming rate.
And don’t even get me started on the car crash that is Amy Winehouse.
Another incident worth note is in the Sex and the City movie – which I LOVED – when Samantha Jones’ ’shocking’ weight gain is met with gasps of utter shock from her close buddies. Was I the only one sitting in the movie theatre thinking ’so bloody what?’ She walks in having gained about 14lbs and her ‘friends’ all act like she’s gone up 3 dress sizes.
What message does this send to women everywhere?
Sure, I want to be slimmer, but I don’t want my collarbones to show and I don’t want to lose my curves.
Does this mean I’m never going to get anywhere in life?
Does this make me a failure because I carry a bit of meat on my bones?
All these too-skinny-for-their-own-good celebrities are wearing a bit thin now (sorry!).
The tyrany of thinness has gone too far.
Am I over reacting or are we being subjected to an unhealthy picture of perfection.
And what about the young girls for whom these women are role models?
What do you think?
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I think it’s a difficult issue. Coming from the angle that I was teased for being skinny (skeltor, anorexic etc etc) I think we can be anti skinny also. I didn’t have an eating disorder and was desperate to be of medium build and ‘normal’ too. My neice is currently going through exactly the same thing, in fact only the other day she was told by a class mate who is larger than average that she was disgusting because her ribs were sticking out and it wasn’t normal. So, I think we just live in an society where we have to be absolutely perfect. Not too fat, not too thin, not too sweaty or spotty or bad teeth…the list goes on….Skinny doesn’t equal success or happiness either. Just look at Victoria Beckham’s face (any hint of a smile?) or Cheryl Cole. They may be the skinniest they have ever been, but are they happy? Perhaps Tina Fey projected more confidence when she lost the weight therefore becoming more succesful and ditto Jennifer Anniston because there’s nothing like feeling like you are looking good to make you feel more positive…If you are carrying a few extra pounds and are bothered about how it makes you look, it’ll show. If you are bigger and happy with it, again, you will succeed…it’s all a state of mind isn’t it?
aconfusedtakethatfan’s last blog post..So this is Christmas…
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Tara Cain Reply:
December 17th, 2008 at 4:44 am
That’s a really great point CTTF and a viewpoint that rarely gets aired.
You are absolutely right that naturally skinny girls get teased too – it seems you can’t escape a tongue lashing at school unless you are perfection!
We ran a feature in the paper I worked on about a couple of women in their 40s who were whispered about and given filthy looks at the school gate because they were that infamous ’size zero’, but they were naturally that way and they hated the fact that people assumed they were dieting to be like that.
And “skinny doesn’t equal success or happiness. Just look at Victoria Beckham’s face (any hint of a smile?)” – exactly! She always looks so bloody miserable.
The problem I have is with an industry which seems to praise and celebrate women losing a lot of weight to ‘fit in’ or to be ‘accepted’ and those women eating dreadful diets to achieve that.
You hear all sorts of outrageous stories about diets consisting of maple syrup only, or baby food or nothing but shakes and it gives out such a negative message.
What about the runway models who turn to drugs to keep themselves thin? They are not doing it to gain more confidence, they are doing it because that is the look that is expected of them and if they don’t achieve it they just wont get on.
And I’m totally with you on the whole succeeding is a state of mind, no matter what your size. There are some great role models out there today who celebrate their curves and are hugely successful and just don’t feel that need to be in with ‘it’ crowd.
It’s the message those other, sometimes very influential, woman are giving out that worries me – it is THEM who are saying ‘I need to be thin to be somebody’ and I’m afraid there are a lot of young girls who listen instead of just being happy with who and what they are.
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I definitely am not content with how the media projects “ideal” images of women; however, there are plenty of role models that have healthy frames and are successful. The main one I can think of at the moment is Beyonce. Perhaps these thin framed ideals are a result of America being considered the fattest country. Maybe its the media’s attempt to make us feel guilty about our weight.
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Tara Cain Reply:
December 17th, 2008 at 5:02 am
I LOVE those women who say ‘I’m curvy and proud’ and don’t buy into this whole you must look a certain way nonsense (although Beyonce did do a silly diet to lose lots of weight for her movie role in Dreamgirls, but we’ll forgive her for that!)
And there is also Nigella Lawson (not sure if anyone outside the UK will know her but she is a very curvy chef who men just ADORE!)
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You’re dead on Tara. Also, car crash? Amy Winehouse is a ten car pileup.
Writer Dad’s last blog post..Bang!
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Tara Cain Reply:
December 16th, 2008 at 1:03 pm
Amy Winehouse seems to be a real case in point. She used to be so bright eyed and bushy tailed and ‘normal’. And a huge huge talent in that voice, I think.
Then she lost so much weight to the point where she looks on the brink of, well just on the brink, and suddenly her star soared.
Everyone has this grim fascination with her, but she’s still the same talented singer she was back when she didn’t look like you could rub her thighs together to make a camp fire.
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aconfusedtakethatfan Reply:
December 16th, 2008 at 6:32 pm
But Amy Winehouse is not skinny because she’s on a diet, she is skinny because she has a major drug problem. There’s a big difference. .
aconfusedtakethatfan’s last blog post..So this is Christmas…
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David Wright Reply:
December 16th, 2008 at 10:23 pm
I was just going to suggest that. She makes Whitney Houston look like good.
Tara Cain Reply:
December 17th, 2008 at 5:09 am
Yes there is a big difference between being skinny because of diet and being skinny because of drugs, but some women in the spotlight turn to drugs because they see food as the enemy and can’t bear to let a single thing pass their lips for fear it will make them put on weight.
It is like dieting to the extreme.
And with Amy, the point being that until she lost weight (no matter how she did it) she was just another talented singer. Now she’s this troubled megastar who is photographed endlessly and pointed at and talked about all the time.
She apparently was once asked in an interview what she thought the secret of her success was and she said something along the lines of ‘it’s not just my music. It’s because I’m so thin. I had the same voice when I was fat but no one gave a sh*t then.’
I agree with you, Tara. Just like in so many areas of our lives, society’s emphasis is somewhat misplaced. EACH of us has our own personal ideal weight. It’s the point at which we feel our best; we can move, breathe, bend, digest, and play with ease and comfort, even grace. I’ve found my ideal weight/shape isn’t what the various charts suggest, but it works for me and that’s my gauge. So, I ignore the scales and I pretty much ignore the mirror. My clothes and my body’s messages tell me when I’m in the right place.
But I’ve a question: Why is it we define “success” as society’s acceptance of us? Shouldn’t “success” be more personal? …defined as whether we are living our lives as we wish and being happy for it?
Julie’s last blog post.."A Flower for the World"
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Tara Cain Reply:
December 16th, 2008 at 1:07 pm
You are spot on Julie, we do each have our own personal ideal weight. No one should follow the ‘you should weight this much if you’re a certain height’ charts or, heaven forbid, try to be like their favourite celeb.
It is about being comfortable in your own skin and I do wonder how many of these super slim beings ARE actually comfortable.
I totally agree with you on the definition of success these days too. Society has become so fame hungry, it is what drives many young people on and I know teenager girls percieve that in order to attain that they have to be super slim.
It is really sad that we have seemingly lost that quest to be what we ourselves feel as a success.
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I’m there with you, Tara.
I don’t want my daughter to think that bones protruding is normal or that there shouldn’t be at least some curvature to the human body (including the stomach area) even on a fit person.
It’s scary when those poor skin and bones women are even airbrushed thinner for photos. I wonder how many are cocaine addicts – simply to stay so thin? (It’s cruel to say – but it’s how many ballerinas stay/stayed thin.)
Avlor’s last blog post..Egahds COLD! and Warm Up with Menu for Hope
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Tara Cain Reply:
December 16th, 2008 at 1:07 pm
Oh don’t even get me started on the whole airbrushing thing Avlor. Shocking, just shocking.
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As a photographer and Photoshop user it’s “in my face” all the time. (doh!)
Avlor’s last blog post..Egahds COLD! and Warm Up with Menu for Hope
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this show what they have to do to get approval (you need to view it in IE)
http://homepage.mac.com/gapodaca/digital/bikini/bikini2.html
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Tara Cain Reply:
December 17th, 2008 at 5:19 am
Yikes! It looks bloody great, but it’s just so unrealistic.
Have you seen some of the front covers of the glossy women’s mags like Vogue and Cosmo? Seriously, some of those women are airbrushed so much they don’t actually look like themselves any more!
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Hey, I think this applies to men too. To a much lesser extent than women, but it still applies. I may be wrong, but in my work environment I get the impression that you are less respected if you are not phyically fit. Your game better be sharp if you are overweight.
Turf Dad’s last blog post..7
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David Wright Reply:
December 16th, 2008 at 10:25 pm
Good point, Turf Dad. I agree completely.
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I am sharp and overweight and most people think I am stupid when they first meet me. I am just going for healthy, I have never been much of a fan of what the starlets do. So I watch where I spend my money, because I do not want them to be voted into fashion with my paycheck – I don’t wish to encourage it at all.
Vered on MomGrind just did a post on botox and celebrity looks and images and people are really angry about the media image if you look at the comments on that post.
I also don’t like that clothes for heavier people cost more…we should also be pointing out that these are paid entertainers who are paid to gain or loose weight for parts – mostly because of a director’s perspective…but it is so sad the entertainers who believe they must comply to work their craft.
and some who are disasters because of it…
Good post and reminder to find one’s self and one’s fit before subscribing to an expectation.
Patricia’s last blog post..Waiting
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David Wright Reply:
December 16th, 2008 at 10:47 pm
Not only are clothes for oversized people more costly, it’s damned hard to find anything decent to wear! Walking in a plus sized store sometimes seems like the designers HATE fat people.
“Hey, let’s use this circus tent and make it into a shirt or dress!”
I’d LOVE to be able to walk into any store and pick out something I know will fit me.
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Linz Reply:
December 17th, 2008 at 4:45 am
I totally feel your pain here, I am only a size 16 not big in the scale of things but it is SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO difficult to get a size of cloths that fit me which doesn’t cost the earth to get. Involving cloth and size another bug bear i have it WHY O WHY can’t all manufacturers get it together and get the sizes of cloths sorted out eg if your a size 16 in blah blah shop and you go next door and get the same size in something else then it’s bound to fit, Oh but now you have to try on everything but as you try it on you get so disappointed !!!
Oh dear am ranting now
Oh on a happier note i have lost another pound but i think it water lose and am expecting a gain soon, As, it coming up to Christmas and too many temptation. Something people might be interested is i bought a decorate your own plate and have made it in the a eat well plate and put decorated lines all other it, not sure if other people would benefit from doing that.
Linz’s last blog post..Wednesday Weigh-In Blog to fit
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Tara Cain Reply:
December 17th, 2008 at 5:21 am
The trouble is Linz, 16 is the average size of a woman here in England, so why on earth haven’t stores cottoned on to that?
And I know what you mean about the size of clothes being different depending on which store you go in.
I can go in to one shop and need a pair of size 12 jeans, go next door and I can’t even do the button up on a pair in size 14.
So very frustrating and annoying and can only lead to making you feel fatter and more miserable than you were before you went in!
Media is much to blame for the unrealistic self images of too many people. Part of that is to cash in on people’s fascination with beauty. Part of it is a calculated desire to make people feel inferior so you can sell them stuff.
Truth is that no matter what you do, if you weren’t genetically made to look like Keira Knightley, it isn’t going to happen no matter how much you diet or how much surgery you undertake.
I don’t blame celebrities such as Keira Knightley, who seems naturally thin. To hate someone for being thin is just as bad as hating them for being too fat. And while it is easy to bash television and movies for pushing super good looking people on us, they are simply filling a need. Many people WANT to see Good looking people on their TV’s and in their movies.
It’s funny how many people complain when a “real-sized” person succeeds, as if they should be held to some lower station because they don’t conform. Look at Rachel Ray. So many people ding her because she isn’t super thin.
Unfortunately, I don’t think any of this will ever change.
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Tara Cain Reply:
December 17th, 2008 at 5:26 am
“Truth is that no matter what you do, if you weren’t genetically made to look like Keira Knightley, it isn’t going to happen no matter how much you diet or how much surgery you undertake” – hear hear David.
And pushing super good looking people on us? Hell they can do as much of that as they like (and hands off McDreamy by the way Confused Take That Fan!)
Thankfully there are many people who succeed without the need to conform to a stereotype. But I think you are right when you say it’s not going to change any time son.
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My Step daughter (who is a horrible size 10 and falling she has a food issue from her lovely bio-mum,bio mum is always on a diet!!!) Went in to a shop and the mannikin’s where a size 6 and the dresses where a size 6 and wouldn’t do up on the Mannikin’s (I think it was a tv prog and she has got confused)
Linz’s last blog post..Wednesday Weigh-In Blog to fit
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Mmm McDreamy. How I am missing him…anyway, back to the point. They say a woman’s self esteem drops significantly after reading a celebrity magazine, and I’m not surprised. I just wonder how it got to the point the magazine editors thought it was a great idea to point out people’s imperfections – like people’s sweat patches, or cellulite, or thinning hair, or roll of fat. I find it completely depressing. Imperfections are what makes someone beautiful.
Remember, it is only the opinion of about 12 people who write these magazines and then manage to influence the feelings of millions of women. I almost feel sorry for celebrities having to live in this constant state of criticism. I mean Nicola Girls Aloud has had a terrible time purely because she has red hair and is very pale. And having been on photoshoots with people like Girls Aloud, it’s interesting to see them walk in the room as pretty girls that you would find in any high street and three hours later…ta daaaa…they look amazing. It does take hours of make up, lighting etc to achieve that look.
And success is a state of mind, no matter what your size. But it would be interesting to see how prejudice people are to employing larger people.
Ooh, just a thought, Fern from This Morning, now where do we stand on that one? Someone who really said big is beautiful then went and got a gastric band fitted…hmmm?
aconfusedtakethatfan’s last blog post..So this is Christmas…
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Tara Cain Reply:
December 17th, 2008 at 6:30 am
And yet so many women buy them and get depressed by them!
“Remember, it is only the opinion of about 12 people who write these magazines and then manage to influence the feelings of millions of women” how very very true. It’s all so very manipulative.
I absolutely hate those ‘look at how the celebs are just like us’ photos with big arrows to someone’s supposed cellulite or someone in a bikini with a bit of overhang. Those are the things that make us normal!
And I just love Fern Britton but that was a really interesting debate going on about that. She really did sing the praises of the larger lady and then, like you said, had a gastric band fitted and didn’t tell anyone and came out telling everyone how fabulous she felt on her new fitness and diet regime.
It’s like the ‘plus’ model Sophie Dahl too. She was celebrated for breaking down barriers in an industry notorious for encouraging painfully thin girls and then the minute she has her foot in the door she dropped about 4 dress sizes!
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You see…. Grazia is the bible! The Thin List a good conversation generator! ! I’m not what you call thin and I’m not fat…. but a lot of us aspire (whether we like it or not) to be a bit better than we already are…. (me included!) If we have straight hair we’d like some beachy waves… if we have curls we want to be straight. If we’re a 12 we’d like to be a 10, if we’re too thin we’d like some curves etc etc….
Myself personally I would like some more time to blog as this whole Christmas thing seems to be getting in the way! (sorry for being a slacker my BTF friends!) xx
ThatGirl39’s last blog post..Back Again For The Carnival!
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Tara Cain Reply:
December 18th, 2008 at 5:36 am
Only because we love you will we forgive you ThatGirl.
You are spot on with the ‘we always want what we can’t have’ thing. I guess the men would say that’s mainly a woman thing though isn’t it? Never satisfied . . .
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I completely agree that this is very damaging to women’s self esteem.
It’s not completely the celebrities’ fault though. I think they are under a lot of pressure to look a certain way. I’m also pretty sure that for some of them, being so skinny is the only thing they feel they can control in a life that’s pretty much out of control thanks to the media frenzy around them.
Vered – MomGrind’s last blog post..Ageism Is The Last Acceptable Form Of Discrimination
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